#reverb10 - December 22

Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

I've touched on this in previous posts but I can map it out more clearly now. Here goes...

In February I traveled to Michigan for a wedding and to meet my boyfriend's parents. In March I hit up Las Vegas for a WPPI conference - my first ever photographers' convention. Made me feel super awesome and like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

In May I went to Mazatlan with my family. It was one of the more amazing experiences of my life. Before I went to Mazatlan I also took a trip to see the A's play at home - and we missed their perfect game by ONE day! Kyle was depressed for weeks...

In June I went to Montana to photograph a dear friend's wedding. My first destination wedding and my first solo wedding. Pretty spectacular start to what is already becoming an amazing wedding career. In July I went back to Michigan with Kyle again - much warmer and more enjoyable this time! - and we also visited Chicago, where I've never been before. First deep dish pizza and I got to see the bean!

In October I went to Austin, TX with Kyle - so pleasant and warm just when Tahoe was starting to cool down. So much fun to be with friends and Kyle's extended family, and hanging outside in October? Win!

I don't remember any others. But I do have plans for 2011 starting already. I'm making an effort to get back to the WPPI convention in February in Vegas. Hopefully I can take Kyle with me. In August I'm going back to Montana for another wedding - this one up in a rustic cabin, and including a day-after trash the dress session. (My first!) If all is going well with family finances we'll also make another pilgrimage to Mexico, our new and very-much-loved (and needed) tradition. The boy is coming with us this time, no excuses.

I imagine I'll make it back to Michigan/Chicago at some point (my best guess? July 4), and I know if things are still going well with us Kyle and I will be back in Texas to celebrate his cousin's wedding in October. The thing I want to see most when we go is the Alamo, which as a native Texan holds a lot of meaning for me even though I've never seen it. I can't wait. I also hope to make a trip to Seattle during the summer to see friends and fit a little business in with my pleasure there. And by pleasure, I mean lots and lots of amazing food!

So, 2010 and hopes for 2011, in a nutshell.

#reverb10 - December 20, 21

December 20: Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

I'm pretty sure I've already addressed this one. I didn't take much time for myself this year. I became a photobot working all hours of the day and that was okay by me until I realized the toll it was taking on all my personal relationships. With any luck this coming year I'll focus better on my time management to make sure I maximize profit and minimize time spent toiling for it. And leave in a couple hours for sleep :)

December 21: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

Oooh. Interesting. In five years ideally I'd be making six figures and winning awards for my work and be engaged (or recently married) to the man of my dreams. Buying my first house and getting 100 days on snow each winter, yadda yadda. I know (or rather, I have learned, the hard way) that life throws A LOT of curveballs though and no matter how hard I can plan and fantasize about the road ahead, I really have no idea what will happen or what opportunities will pop up last-minute or how I'll react to any of it. All I can do is hold on for dear life, put a little money into savings each month and follow my intuition.

My note to 15-year-old me:

So what if you have no idea where you'll go or what you'll be in ten years. I know that seems a long, long way off - who knows if you'll ever get there. So much hard work and so many hard times ahead it's inconceivable to someone as young as you.

Follow your heart and not your presumed ideas about success. Life will point you in the right direction if you can't find the map yourself. It has a funny way of doing that. Follow your passion and money will be hot on your heels. Don't be surprised if the answer was right in front of you all along. What if you found out that the life you're going to lead is something you've been preparing for since you could hold a crayon? Would that just knock your socks off?

Secondly: when something knocks you down or crushes you utterly and completely, no matter how it makes your heart hurt or your eyes water, please understand that you will always, always rise from the ashes much stronger and more brilliant than before. What doesn't kill you will make you an ass-kicking, name-taking, powerful and determined lady. You'll learn in college from a good friend that when you break a bone it heals stronger and more resilient each time. And so do you.

It may not seem likely, but someday you're going to want to work a million hours a week, and you'll enjoy it. You sicko. It's perfectly okay if some skills you've acquired and practiced, like tearing up the mountain on skis, go unrewarded. Often the pleasure of being really, really good at something is satisfying enough. Ski outside the lines and be brave!

You'll learn that 90% of making it in the world is confidence (NOT egotism, which is sometimes misinterpreted as such - but you already know that much), so know that you deserve a boatload of confidence and you can make big things happen if you choose. Many, many people without any talent or intellect find success based on bravado alone (you'll see this especially in about five years when a genre called "reality TV" comes into its own - oh, the horror): just imagine what you can do with all your strengths combined.

Go out there and get it.

#reverb10 - December 19

Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

Writing about healing is tough right now. It's dark where I am, figuratively speaking. I'm fairly sick for the umpteenth time this year, with some nasty virus and a sinus infection that won't quit even though I had septoplasty in September to get rid of my chronic sinus infections. I'm worried about a million and one things I won't go into here and I could not feel less healed as 2010 draws to a close. In fact I pretty much feel like a big raw nerve.

In 2011 I can see a lot of potential events happening that would help heal me. I would love to see my dad back in a job so I could stop worrying about trying to give my parents all my extra income, which isn't much in the winter months. I desperately want to see someone very close to me stop drinking so much and hurting her family. I want to see my boyfriend be a stronger person and get it together so I can stop second-guessing myself. I want to see me being stronger too, going out to absolutely pwn anything I set my mind or heart on. My lack of confidence in myself in so many areas is eating me from the inside out.

I want to feel more complete than I do now. 2011 has a lot of potential.

#reverb10 - December 17, 18

December 17: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I'd like to think I know myself pretty well. This year reiterated a lot of things I've always known - I am capable of working way too hard and never playing; I need structure, even if I just set it for myself; I love to play when I get the chance! And sometimes I need someone to push me.

I did learn that I am changing a lot these days. I sure hope it's for the better. I know I love who I was and who I can be, but the stage in between is really, really difficult. Self-improvement doesn't come easy; neither does learning to balance new responsibilities. It's like I'm taking two steps forward and one step back.

Becoming more businesslike makes my personal relationships suffer more. Where before I could be all sweetness and light now I'm efficient and sometimes brusque. I'd almost rather spend the weekends working than playing when I have a lot on my plate. I try very hard to find the balance but I don't think I'm there yet. (Sorry Kyle - he's experienced the brunt of this)

I don't depend on a company for income or health insurance or training. I go out and find it, pay for it, learn about it on my own. Being independent is a double-edged sword. It's made me change the way I look at the male/female dynamic. It's uncomfortable. I don't like being the boss in a relationship (feminism be damned) and I still hope to find a balance. I can't respect someone who isn't my equal.

I'm losing my patience from still working harder, not smarter. Two steps forward, one step back. I just hope that between that place between who I was and who I will be that I regain my ability to smell the flowers, marvel at the smell of Tahoe air after rain, and make time for the people I love. It just kills me that right now I feel the need to sacrifice all these small things that make life what it is for the sake of financial survival. There's satisfaction in money well-earned, but it's not enough.

December 18: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did/didn't go for it?

Burning man. All the way.

#reverb10 - December 16

December 16: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

Well. Let me begin by saying that no matter how hard I try, all the touchy-feely warm fuzzy examples I think of can't top this one that left me feeling a little sad. I do have a friend who taught me a valuable lesson this year: when you do business with friends, don't give them the benefit of the doubt. It's still business.

Long story short, in the summer I reserved a 2011 wedding date for a friend whom I trusted with a verbal agreement. We agreed to set in place the contract/deposit later when she was back home for the holidays. Mistake!

One day in November I read an e-mail on my phone that said I had a new Facebook message. Apparently, because of a $100 disagreement over the price of the contract she kept shopping around - without telling me, as I continued to reserve this date for her - and found a cheaper option.

The saddest part is that if she had just picked up the phone rather than sending me a Facebook message after the fact, I probably would have cut her that slack. We could have figured out an alternative.

So, moral of the story - no matter how kindhearted you are, how trusting and good-natured, money can still take precedence. Business is business; even if you've known a client for 15 years it's still important to have a signed contract, first thing's first.

My kingdom for a horse.

#reverb10 - December 15

5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

Mexico, Mexico, Mexico. You set my soul on fire. I came home with a sunburn and sand in my shoes, and an endless amount of joy when I think of you.

Backpacking Desolation. How the trees there are gnarled and bleached and twisted almost flat to the ground from decades of exposure. How delicious apple pancakes and fresh trout can be.

Star Follies. The camaraderie, how hot and sticky the upstairs rooms get after two shows a night, so much glitter; dancing fearlessly in front of the whole town, my heart racing!

Austin. Rooftop bars, queso, a delicious 85 degrees. It was just what I needed when the weather started to cool in Tahoe.

Marcus and Amanda's wedding. Freezing cold outside (Michigan in February) but so much fun it was worth it. Double-decker party bus!

David and Kristin's wedding in Montana. Two of my best friends in the world and I had the privilege to photograph their most important day. I couldn't ask for better people in my life.

All 15 or so couples whose weddings I photo'd this year. How unique each pair is, their little meltdowns and triumphs, and the fact that no matter how many I attend I still cry at weddings. Boo.

My brother. Growing up, reaching out, going back to school. I could not be more proud of the very human presence he is becoming. It wasn't always that way.

My dad and his colleagues being laid off Oct. 1; more specifically, the hope that they have carried since. It's amazing to see a group of people who have nothing pull together and keep working, fueled only by fumes, in hopes that they'll reach that promised land where everything will be okay or better yet, where a huge payout is waiting.

How could I forget?

#reverb10 - December 13, 14

December 13: Action. When it comes to aspirations, it's not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

I suppose I could tell you I'm going to lose 25 pounds and market the hell out of my business and please every customer and find better price points and sleep more and eat less and spend less time with my computer and more time outside. But writing about all of this is nonsense because it isn't action. It's counter to what the author wants us to accomplish.

In my heart of hearts I know what the next step is, and writing about it won't help me get any closer. My next step is to spend less time planning and more time doing, starting yesterday. I've mentioned it before and I'll mention it again: those three frogs are sitting on a log. One decides to jump off. How many are left?

December 14: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

For so many things and people I feel gratitude. This year the one that shined the brightest was my network of friends, colleagues, clients, community. They came together to support me in ways I never thought possible or probable. Starting a business isn't easy so every phone call, lead, referral and word of encouragement pushed me to greater heights. I express it by doing my best work for them every second of every day. (Maybe it sounds a little predictable, but the prompt is likewise a little predictable. Sorry..)

#reverb10 - December 12

Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

Desolation. The wilderness where if you're not climbing up the side of a glacially-carved granite mountain, legs burning as you reach an indescribably lovely vista, your toes are likely screaming in agony as you walk down the other equally steep side.

Our August backpacking trip started innocently enough, with a ferry ride across Echo Lakes, where we began hiking uphill to the achingly beautiful and barren Lake Aloha. After a leisurely lunch on the south shore and a few more miles, we reached our campsite, a flat piece of granite on the water's edge. Let me tell you, napping on a warm granite slab in the sunshine is very comfortable when you've just carried 40 pounds of necessities over seven miles of terrain.

Backpacking is hard work, and of course there's a lot of second-guessing when you're actually on the trail. Add a couple of people who are inexperienced backpackers/hikers (my dear aunt and uncle) and you're likely to have a lot of stops and complaints along the way. Don't get me wrong, because I complain too - but I've been trained not to stop walking. When you stop constantly you never get a second wind and at the end of the day you're twice as exhausted. About nine miles into our second day, most of which we spent in mosquito-filled Rockbound Valley, our enthusiasm was waning.

Dad, of course, told us repeatedly that the GPS said it was only a little further. It turns out GPSs speak the language of distance as the crow flies. As the sun dipped lower in the sky we were so tired we would walk a couple hundred feet and stop to rest. And repeat, over and over again all the way from the bottom of the valley nearly to the top of another mountain. We were rewarded for our persistence. Just before sunset we reached mountaintop mini-Tahoe, Fontanillis Lake.

That night I was exhausted to the point of nausea. I took only a mouthful of dinner, which we ended up eating in the dark. The dogs lay passed out on the rocks. It's much easier to sleep on hard granite when you don't have an ounce of energy left.

Strangely, the exhaustion that tore at us the first two days didn't seem to affect us as much on the third day. I don't think it was just the fact that we knew we'd be able to go home, shower, sleep, and eat food that wasn't rehydrated. We were still hiking up and down the sides of steep glacially-polished mountains, but our bodies had finally adjusted to the abuse. Maybe our minds were equally tired and didn't have anything to say.

It's a much harder lifestyle on the trail, carrying your house on your back and peeing in the woods. It doesn't seem that extreme because we go prepared - but the hell you put your body through is something different entirely. Imagine you're a beginner skier and in the blink of an eye you're standing at the top of a double-black diamond. In terms of physical exertion, if you're an average person who works a desk job and exercises occasionally and lives a cushy life, you're throwing your body to the far reaches of its ability.

And that is why I think finally everything worked in unison on that third day. Throw me in the water and when I come up again I'll swim. Uphills weren't easy per se, but my legs weren't burning. Downhills were okay - the only thing to watch out for were Nala and Opie climbing over the sharp granite, ripped up dog booties duct taped back onto their feet. When we reached the Bayview trail into Emerald Bay we stopped for lunch - tuna, crackers, peanut butter. It was the best we'd ever eaten.

I lost seven pounds that weekend, and gained a better insight into how my body and mind work together. Of course attitude is [almost] everything; believe it or not some of it is physical strength too. It's a beautiful thing when mind and body are both so tired they start working together. Strangely enough, I'm ready and raring to do it again soon.

On the way home, we stopped at Izzy's for burgers and shakes in South Lake Tahoe. A final treat that held body and soul together.

#reverb10 - December 11

11 things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

If I sit here for a while I'm sure I can think of a million things my life doesn't need in 2011. For your sake and my sanity, I'll try to focus on the things that I'm going to make the largest effort to change.

1. The spare tire. Time to get this monkey off my back once and for all! I came home from college with an extra 15 pounds, and since then I've yo-yo'd back and forth according to my accomplishments and pitfalls +/- 10 pounds. I'd like to hit my ideal weight by April, but realistically speaking I'd just be happy with better muscle tone and a smaller dress size.

2. Clients who suck. Anyone who has ever owned a business can tell you that not all customers are right - a small and very special handful of them are just a headache waiting to happen. I'm over trying to please those clients who nitpick and waver on pricing, nickel and dime me, sap my energy. As a person I don't need it, and as a business owner I most certainly don't need it. I'm learning how to spot these people before they become a problem.

3. Worry - specifically for the future. I'm the queen of what-ifs, but thankfully many of the people I love are good at pulling me back from the edge. Who knows how your life could change for the better from one minute to the next? Some of the best opportunities I've had come from out of left field, and that's the way I like it.

4. Small deals. I love helping people out, but sometimes I say yes so often that I fail to think of myself, or the toll those yeses take on my time. Time to find balance between charitable causes and profitable work. I don't want my clients to suffer because I'm helping put together a week's worth of photos for a non-profit. Balance, balance, balance.

5. Indecisiveness. Who knows if this one can really be cured. When I'm down, I look at my horoscope. I'm a Virgo, and indecisiveness is in our nature. It's tiresome to go back and forth for minutes or hours or days. If I have to I'll learn to make lists of pros and cons. So far a good strategy has been to sleep on a hard decision and make it first thing when I wake up.

6. Distractions. Similar to small deals, small things that distract me from the bigger picture. This is another toughie since I have to pay the bills whether I have work or not, but this year I'm pledging to commit to fewer small jobs that, financially speaking, aren't worth my time.

7. Temper. Over the past few years my temper has been particularly hot for one reason or another. Usually it involved my former employer, but as I blogged before it's a learning process. Slow and steady.

8. Books! I hope beyond hope that my brother is getting me a Kindle for Christmas...My inner nerd squeals, "I'll finally be able to highlight my favorite passages and search texts!"

9. Hesitation. There's good sense in waiting for the right opportunity or the right timing, but hesitation is an entirely different story. Time to jump!

10. Procrastination. HA! Raise your hand if you suffer from this and are laughing because it's ludicrous to make an effort to eliminate it entirely. If I never procrastinated I'd never sleep. I have that much to do. Still, my meticulous lists and countless hours could be managed and prioritized a little better. Lifelong learning is good, but I need a little jump start.

11. Waste. I'll admit it, I take too much food when I'm really hungry. I watch TV when I could be having fun or doing something productive. I buy things occasionally that don't work for me, but I'm too lazy to return them and so they sit unused in whatever cubbyhole they made in my bank account. I'm happy to say I DO recycle (and I love it, I'm a freak like that). But learning not to waste my own time or talents or money is more difficult - oddly enough, it's much harder for me to take care of my own needs than someone else's.

These are the first things that came to mind. They're certainly not the only ones that need cleaning in my routine, but tossing or tidying 'em can help me run a tighter ship in 2011. Harder, better, faster, stronger. And above all, happier. You know?

#reverb10 - December 9, 10

December 9 I fell off the #reverb10 wagon because I didn't really identify with the prompt. Then I had company and parties over the weekend so now it's catch-up time! Sorry for the wait...

December 9 - What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010?

As far as social gatherings go I'm not so sure that one was greater than another this year. Are all parties created equal? I do, however, have several highlights of a year well-lived:

Ringing in the new year with Kyle at a bar in Nevada City called Crazy Horse. We were easily the youngest ones there by a couple of decades, but the live music and cheesy party favors had us partying past midnight.

Dancing to "Thriller" with a pretty big portion of the adult cast of Star Follies after our final show. I remember Karen teaching us the specific gestures and everyone in the bar being suitably impressed (entertained?) by our slightly tipsy, very professional zombie moves.

Singing country/classic rock karaoke with my friends in Montana, and no one else in the bar knowing the words! We still brought the house down with our awesome talent.

Partying with one of my favorite wedding client couples of the year, my friends Betsy and Trey. They opted to go dancing until nearly dawn at the clubs in South Lake Tahoe with their close friends the night they were married.

As always, Tainted Love, which has become a tradition since Kyle and I finally showed our true feelings for each other two years ago at the 80's cover band show. This year I was Cleopatra and Kyle was a jeans-wearing Spock; our friends Megan (dinosaur a.k.a. Megosaurus) and Jesse (lumberjack...cue the song now) came up from the Bay Area, and my little brother, who never, ever, goes out with us, came along. It was amazing, but I don't remember as much as I'd like to after Megan bought me that tequila. Surrounded by Burners, vampires, vegetarian-loving chickens and one particularly rough-looking Jack-in-the-box, we sang and danced 'til the wee hours to the hits that were made while we were in diapers.

December 10 - Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

The decision to let go of my pride and accept criticism with an open heart for the first time in my life. No, seriously, I don't take criticism well. I'm such a perfectionist that I take everything very seriously and almost personally if someone doesn't like something about my work. This year I've consciously made an effort to let people give me feedback, and incorporate it into my practices. As a result my amazing mentors for wedding photography, Tourine and Trevor Johnstone, have had a huge impact for the better on my all-around wedding/engagement skills.

Last year I agreed to become the Johnstones' associate wedding photographer and because of that, it was important for me to make an effort to learn no matter how uncomfortable the criticism (to their credit, they are always kind!). I'm the photographer you see today because of these two, and it's all because I finally let someone in; someone who could show me what high-end photography is all about and how I need to get there. Thanks to them I'm well on my way and am so very grateful for their friendship and guidance.

#reverb10 - December 8

Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

I am one of those few people who is okay with wearing her heart on her sleeve most of the time (like a female sensy). Clearly, I'm blogging about my thoughts, some of my deepest feelings and most difficult times in my life out in the open, where friends, acquaintances and strangers alike can sample from the beautiful chaos of my life.

Which is not to say I'm one of those people who will just come up and start talking inconsequential babble at you if you're in the middle of something. But it doesn't bother me when people I don't know well tell me their problems when they clearly need a friendly ear. I know it helps them heal just to have someone listening.

My boyfriend thinks I'm a kook sometimes for giving people more than the required minimum amount of information. Say, a grocery clerk asks a question about our plans and I say excitedly that we're taking the day off to go to Kirkwood. Maybe he's interested and we chat for a few more seconds. I get that embarrassed eye roll that says, "you could have just told him we're going skiing."

The truth is, that's how people connect and build new relationships. That's how we relate to each other and reaffirm that we are not actually so different. Those small, interesting details we share with each other break up the potential monotony of each day. No man is an island, and certainly even if some try to be I don't want that for myself.

I guess the quality that makes me most different is that I'm honest. Always. I don't hide pieces of myself away because I'm afraid of imposing or being judged. I don't enjoy people who only want superficial connection, because the second things get real they bolt. I love who I am; considering my shy nature, it's taken a lot of work over the years to learn to put myself out there and trust that who I am is wonderful enough for the rest of the world to celebrate, too.

That's one of the reasons I don't mind my clients, or potential clients, reading my blog. As a photographer I'm selling my personality as well as my talent and expertise. Interaction is a huge part of the fun, creative, beautiful finished product that my clients and I create on a portrait shoot or wedding day.

Of course, as a professional picture-taker there are several less nebulous differences that set me apart. My versatility, since I can photograph everything, from sports to weddings to food, and do it well; my ability to capture a moment rather than just set people up with some cheese; that I can calm down even the most keyed-up bride (zilla or not) or become fast friends with the two-year-old in front of my camera. The many different facets of my unique personality make these tasks possible.

I'm a perfectionist, and I'm a passionate, curious learner. That's why I photograph so many different genres and I've worked hard on learning to do all of them well. I can capture a moment because I'm not afraid of emotion - I know exactly what I'm looking for/how to observe it because I'm deeply in touch with my own thought process and can therefore read others' better. And the ability to put people at ease and make friends? I guess that's just learning to listen and have fun.

Unlike many people I don't shut down when an uncomfortable truth is mentioned. In my personal life my ability to share and let share has brought me a handful of very close friendships and a long list of acquaintances who trust me. In my professional life it's helped me go from unemployed journalist, barely squeaking by, to a successful freelance photographer with many happy clients, mentors and champions in less than two years.

I'm happy to be different. It's ironically what makes me so relatable.

#reverb10 - December 7

Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

Let me begin by saying this: I live in a town that is all about community. When we moved here from Texas my parents had a pleasant surprise at how much of a community Incline Village is, since to the outside world it looks like an eclectic handful of rich people and second homeowners (...it's not). When I moved back from college in 2007, I rediscovered the power of my community and every year since I have gotten a stronger and stronger sense of how it sticks together and cares for its own.

This year of course, I have been a part of my community. I joined a local networking group that gets me inspired and charged up every Thursday morning. I've donated countless items for auctions that raise money for good causes, given so much of my time (and my mad dance skills) to non-profits like Tahoe Women's Services and Incline's schools, shown my support at my alma mater's sporting events and the like.

This is why, although I love the word and the concept, I have a hard time wrapping my brain around what communities I've discovered this year. To me community was never a question.

I suppose if you break it down of course I'm always making new friends, meeting fellow entrepreneurs, expanding my community of clients and acquaintances, logging onto Twitter and Facebook to be heard in the echoing and ever-expanding community of businesses and people.

But none of them will ever measure up to what I already have, and have had for about 16 years now. I live in a town where your neighbors won't just lend you a cup of sugar; they'll let you take over their kitchen if you need it. Nothing is as real as Maggie bringing me a quiche for dinner the day after my septoplasty this September, or how during dark times the people who really need each other somehow find each other. (Karen and I spent much of November chipping away at an infuriatingly complex 3,000-piece puzzle, her recently-operated-upon foot perched on a pillow, while we waited for good news after her husband and my dad had been laid off Oct. 1.)

Don't get me wrong; I adore Facebook and Twitter as powerful marketing tools and really fun, informative ways to connect with people who aren't in your vicinity, and I love my amazing networking group. I even love the book club that I just joined on a whim. But they're all pieces of the bigger (3,000-piece?) picture.

In 2011, the community I'll be connecting with most strongly will continue to be the one where I grew up. My family instilled in me the idea that we collaborate with the community, serve the community, are part of the community.

So as far as community goes, I've never really given it a second thought and I probably never will. It's more like second nature.

#reverb10 - December 6

Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Forgive me, for my creativity seems to be stuck behind the pressure of a headache at the moment. As a photographer and relatively arts-oriented person I make things all the time - but the most recent non-work-related objects were a pair of pecan pies on Saturday. I love making the pattern in the edge of the crust with that little rolly tool that stamps neat little radial lines on one side and slices the excess crust off without mercy on the other. Whipping eggs until they're frothy, adding delicious un-heart-healthy sugar, Karo syrup, melted butter, and more chopped pecans than you can shake a stick at. And special vanilla we brought back from Mexico. Mmmm..

I'm working on learning how to make more time for myself, and succeeding too. It started Thanksgiving week, when I finally caught up with my runaway train of work from the fall. I would work late then sleep in, go to the gym, even read - and I didn't think about work once on Thanksgiving.

In my new practice of making time for fun I'd love to pick up my guitar and make music, pick up some knitting needles and make a scarf, maybe even (though it terrifies me) pick up my paintbrushes for the first time in several years and make something beautiful. Most of all I want to make something incredible of myself, which I work at every single day.

#reverb10 - December 5

Let go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

Let's play The Obvious Game. I went through a bad layoff last year. It felt like the worst breakup I'd ever had. I had been with this newspaper for two years, during which I worked 12, 14, 16-hour days, nights and weekends, for practically nothing. I threw myself into my work with abandon. It was my job, and because I loved it with a passion, it was my life.

I was the local girl, the face and spirit of my hometown paper, which I had returned to serve after college. I made friends with the adults I'd known in my childhood and I adored the small children who begged me constantly to take their picture.

At some point it all came off the rails for the newsgroup that employed me. To put it diplomatically, the staff shrank slowly over the course of about 18 months, strategic promotions were made and due to reigning management opinion suddenly 9 of 11 photographers between eight newspapers found themselves out of a job. Many reporters and office staff, too. The photographers were informed that they were valued less, as it is "easier to teach a reporter to take pictures than a photographer to write."

I was laid off on April Fool's Day, 2009. Not funny, IMO. I had been spared from the first several rounds of layoffs and told I had new, important responsibilities. Cue rug yank...now. As a loyal co-worker angrily asked a GM in a meeting shortly thereafter, "We've cut the fat. And the muscle, and the bone. What's left?"

To make matters worse, these dramatic staff cuts were not publicized or explained. Sources kept e-mailing and calling me, and one by one I had to fight back emotion and tactfully explain what had happened. The paper continued running my photographs without crediting me. The wound was ripped open, again and again.

Because of this it was difficult to move past it. There were maybe three jobs nationwide in the journalism industry at the time; I had no choice but to start a business in a rough economy. To add insult to injury, out of our damaged friendship my editor said and did some very unprofessional, and cruel, things to hurt me further. I can still get worked up about it if I think too hard. But looking back the brass did me a favor. And this year I've started to let it go. Drop by drop, the water slowly slides off my back and I start to smile.

Life is better now. When I work a long day, which I still do with joy, I can sleep in and if I'm two minutes late to my desk there's no one to yell at me. I'm very careful not to micromanage my dog. I go on vacation! I set my schedule and answer to no one but myself, and my wonderful clients. For so, so many of them I would lasso the moon or move mountains.

Will those managers, that newsgroup, ever be the same in my mind? Probably not. Some scars don't ever leave us. But I'm starting to forget how much it hurt. I'm burying it, letting go, and my new-and-improved career is the closure I needed.

Last year I was dealt a blow from which I thought I'd never recover. I thought my life, my self had been taken without a second thought. I know that the company line is often the bottom line. I know now that I'm lucky, because that particular line may just have saved me. I was given the opportunity to let go of it.

As the memory fades I keep climbing.

#reverb10 - December 4

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

Wonder. It's one of those funny things that some people always seem to have and others wouldn't recognize if it gave them a concussion. If you have an open heart and an open mind you probably have a sense of wonder, but no matter your resilience sometimes life has a funny way of running you around so much you begin to tire. Eventually, despite your best efforts, you find yourself lost.

This is how I felt last year and a great deal of this year as well. One too many blows and your shell begins to thicken. Local anesthesia for that four-chambered pump inside your chest. You feel less and although that protects you from all the hurt, it also makes it tougher for love, compassion and of course, wonder to get through.

I've always been one of those people most probably view as naive. We ooh and ahh over small unexpected pleasures, grin open-mouthed at the sky during fireworks displays, relish tiny victories with a happy dance and savor all the small and large wonders of the world much like a child does. But the truth is, we don't miss a beat because we see the world clearly and don't discount anything. With horror, I realized earlier this year that after so much time trying not to feel the ache of last year's injuries, I had lost a lot of my wonder and perspective. I no longer noticed, or cared, for the small details that once had given me a humble kind of bliss that was impossible to ignore.

That piece of my brain, the piece where I cultivated fun, love, wonder, was covered up by the armor I had put on in April last year. After an extended period of gray skies and knew I had to shock myself out of it. This summer I rode a jet ski for the first time, at 60 MPH across a choppy lake in Michigan. I watched fireflies come to life in the twilight. I backpacked so hard I thought I was going to be sick, slept under the stars to watch the sun rise over Lake Aloha, and enjoyed fresh trout with apple pancakes and bacon overlooking the wind-swept mountainsides of Desolation.

I started a business and worked my way to success, shooting in sun, twilight, rain, snow. I had a long list of new travels that helped defibrillate my spirit. I joined the cast of Star Follies, a fundraiser for Incline's schools, and danced my way through the pain. So many selfless, fun-loving people in one place, plus the initial shock of performing on-stage for the first time since...first grade? helped pull me out of my funk and heal my heart. Once that barrier toppled, the mind was quick to follow.

Yep, wonder is a funny thing. I was an incredibly shy kid. I had to save myself this year by living outside my narrow comfort zone, surprising and scaring myself, learning that if I just leaped I'd have experiences I thought were always meant for others who were braver than I. It wasn't until I was stronger than before and complete once again that wonder returned to my life. And believe me, this time I super-glued it into place. It's here to stay. (Kole sere...)

#reverb10 - December 3

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail.

This is a tough one for a couple of reasons. I spent much of my year focused on work, but on the other hand, I did more traveling this year than I've ever done before. I spent time traveling to Montana, Mexico, Austin, Las Vegas, Michigan, Chicago...

I just can't narrow it down. The moment I choose isn't in the traditional sense one spot in time, but the element of travel, which made me feel more alive than my everyday life did this year.

Running through the park in a torrential downpour in Chicago with Kyle, Marcus and Amanda. Finally finding a small building to huddle in with others who were caught in the rain unprepared. Walking in slippery, wet sandals. The fact that the sun came out again almost as quickly as it left. Eating (real) deep dish pizza for the first time—hot and wonderful—in soaking wet clothing, and not caring.

On a trimaran in Mexico early in the morning, with my family and an eclectic mix of American and Mexican tourists. Eating the freshest watermelon we had ever tasted, with hot sauce of course. Wind in our hair. Eating the seeds in the giant grapes because they tasted so good it didn't matter. Reaching our destination, a small island off the coast of Mazatlan, and walking down a beach with surprisingly chilly water. A makeshift bar with delicious MacGyvered margaritas in clear plastic cups. The hermit crab we found on the beach (Hermie!), and the collection of shells we brought back, complete with a couple of rusty old Pacifico bottle tops. Snorkeling the salty, chopped up water with my dad. Later, the four of us sitting at Kelly's bar, freshly showered and sunburned, drinking fruity libations on the tiled patio, smelling the delicious tropical ocean air that smells like Eden itself, and watching the sun go down over the Pacific.

For that matter, eating dinner in the open air at Pancho's our second night in Mexico, fresh aguachiles, big drinks, eyes on the ocean. Wishing Kyle had come with us. The orange afternoon light on my dad's face as he perused the menu. The puppet vendor who kept approaching our table when I was trying to (sneakily) take a picture of the beach with him on it. When the sun set, the fire dancers who tried to steal the show from our waiter who made us the best banana dessert I have ever tasted. Cinnamon, rum, orange rind, and the like, all lit on fire several times and served over fresh vanilla ice cream. I could spend days describing Mazatlan. Mexico set my heart on fire.

In Las Vegas in March, a wide-eyed newcomer to the wedding industry, at the WPPI convention with 14,000 other photographers. Photographing the Graphistudio fashion show in a fancy dress and getting pulled onstage to dance by legendary wedding photographer Yervant. Being nervous, but still showing off my sweet moves (hopefully not too clumsily) in front of hundreds of photographers who were, yes, taking pictures.

Flying in to Billings Airport in Montana in June to go straight to my bride/friend's pre-wedding get-together with gelato, chocolate wine and about eight girls I had never met before. Meeting up with the boys to do karaoke. My good friend/the groom David, who I've seen twice in the last three years, picking me up and swinging me around with joy. Singing some Eagles songs at the top of our lungs together. His rendition of "My Humps," which I know I will remember until the day I die. The horrified patrons. Ha! Seeing him just as tipsy as we had all been in college, and how wonderful it was. How Kristin's friend Megan decided on the spot that she really liked me, and how I did the same. How because of this trip I now have the privilege of going back to Montana to photograph Megan's wedding next year. How she is, indeed, wonderful.

Austin in October. Taking a non-family-centric vacation with Kyle for the first time ever. 85 degrees. Everything about that long weekend. Rooftop drinks in a bar with tables that were made from cross-sections of trees. The row of cactuses on the edge of the roof catching the slow, lingering rays of the sun setting our last night there. The queso, my God, the queso. The second time we ate it was even better than the first. The bar that served only beer, but served something like 100 different varieties. Watching the Old 97's rock out in an empty block in the middle of the city while we drank overpriced margaritas. The Owl Building. Facemelting super moist brisket at Rudy's (cue drool sounds now). Eating streetcorner pizza after a big night on 6th street. That guy who I swear must have been a Burner, about 2,000 miles out of place, sporting an orange wig, strange outfit and talking to us about how he was waiting around at 2:30 in the morning to start his community service. Walking barefoot back to the car because my feet were sore from wearing heels.

Seeing fireflies for the first time in Michigan, watching the Fourth of July display two hours late in South Haven (fireworks at Lake Michiga-aaan) with thousands of other people. I could describe more - my first time dancing in Star Follies comes to mind (I've never performed in front of an audience before), backpacking Desolation for the second time...but maybe I can save those for another prompt.

Point being, my best, most alive moments can't be pared down to just one chunk of time. Not this year. Hopefully, never. As soon as I started writing memories came flooding back and I struggled to keep it at the few moments I had chosen. This year as I traveled I was learning, decompressing, and apparently sampling a rich cornucopia sensory adventures.

One mark of a good life should be memories that overwhelm and refresh. Road trips that are unforgettable. Crazy things done on a whim that surprise everyone, not least of all, you. And of course, those times when you walk down a beach in Mexico, sandals in hand, slightly crispy from the equatorial sun.

#reverb10 - December 2

What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing, and what can you do to eliminate it?

When I got this prompt in my inbox this morning, I was a little disappointed. My first thought was, gosh, I was excited for the next amazing inspirational prompt and here we have a specific prompt about something that isn't really that important in my life.

But that got me thinking. Writing for pleasure or catharsis used to be a pretty significant piece of who I am. When I was upset or overwhelmed with any emotion I'd write to get those nebulous clouds of thought out of my head and into clear form on a piece of paper, which helped me analyze everything I was thinking and doing. Self-therapy. And when I was having an amazing time working as a journalist I'd at least write down the few coolest things I did each day, so I'd have a log of all the amazing experiences I had in that period of my life.

So there are a lot of bits and pieces that don't contribute to my writing, or who I am. The main factor is that I never take time for myself. No time for thought means no time for growth. I would, of course, like hours and hours to pick up the hobbies I used to enjoy, like playing my guitar, writing, painting, even walking my dog...all of which help me reflect on my life.

Thanks to this prompt I'm now thinking about what I can do to make a little more time for writing and all the other things that I love. Unfortunately decisions or plans don't always have meaning. My dad always tells the story of three frogs on a log; one decides to jump off, and how many are left? Three. Deciding to do something doesn't mean you'll take action. You just have to leap, which is why I signed up for Reverb10. So in a way, I've already taken a huge step toward all those things I want for the future.

I know that having a life that's deeper than just work will help me become a better writer and human. I want play! I want love, peace and clarity. I want catharsis. I'm so glad I have an excuse to write every day this month.

#reverb10: December 1

One word to encapsulate 2010; one word you hope will describe 2011.

Shift. It doesn't necessarily have a negative or positive connotation—you're not always taking steps forward or back, but you're moving. This year so, so many things have shifted in flight.

I went from unemployed photojournalist to successful business owner. Last year my whole financial life was fight-or-flight and I dabbled in a million different things to pay the bills. This year, though, I invested as much time, effort, and capital in JSP as I possibly could. I know now what I didn't know then, and I'm looking to the future with strategies in mind.

Shift because I also started freelancing as a writer, which opens up a whole new set of possibilities for the future. I thought my career with words was gone when I left newspapers, and I was okay with that. Now I'm picking up a pen again and it feels right.

Shift in my family. The main source of income has shifted for the time being; my mom says the only thing keeping the lights on while we battle this bump in the road is my rent money. Tell me that's not scary to a freelancer without a set paycheck. Shift because my brother is finally back in college and I know he's going to succeed this time.

Shift because my boyfriend moved to Grass Valley at the end of last year and we've spent 2010 figuring out how to make a long-distance relationship work. It's not easy, especially when you're both workaholics. Shift because I'm now 25, and that's not an arbitrary number to me. I'm not a kid anymore. I wish I could get that horrible thought out of my head.

Shift because with all my time invested in work I can't always take care of myself. I overeat, undersleep, hardly have time for exercise and never cut myself any slack. My patience is slipping and my temper is all over the place and that's just not me. I think when it comes to starting a business as a young person, you take two steps forward and one step back; that can mean different areas of your life experience great growth while the others lie dormant. Well I'm ready for spring.

I hope 2011 will mean balance. It's time to get to know myself again. I like that I've become the kickass professional woman I've always wanted to be, but somewhere along the way I became a little too focused on that and I lost the fun-loving girl who dances 'til dawn and sings karaoke and hijacks the occasional tractor (I've said too much)...I am happy to say that I've already started making changes for the new year, the newest and best version of me yet.

Now that I've learned how to be an independent professional, it's time to fold that back into the richness of my old life. I'm starting with diet and exercise, but I hope I can retrain myself to take time off. Shut down my compy sometime before midnight at least a couple times a week to settle down with some tea and a good book. Take a day off, on a whim, to catch some bluebird pow. Go eat sushi on the beach and spend an afternoon tossing sticks into the water for my dog. To loosen up and not miss opportunities because I'm chained to my desk.

Hopefully the hustle of 2010 will be attributed to growing pains when the dust settles. Life isn't easy when you're standing on a knife's edge. It's all about learning how to balance.

#reverb10

www.reverb10.com

Well, I'm excited. Reverb 10 starts tomorrow. For those of you who may not know, I'm a photographer first but writing comes in at a very close second. I do both professionally but I relish the opportunity to do either for pleasure.

For the first time in about six months I have time to sit and think, at least for a few minutes, every day. Or to take a three-day weekend to ski at Kirkwood, which is where I'll be Friday. Point being, I am so excited to have a reason to write every day this month. Wish me luck!

Hello, world!

I am only one person.

I try to shrug this off as a million different things pull me in a million different directions almost every second of every day. I'm a self-employed photographer/journalist, part-time nanny, full-time dog owner, innate do-gooder and now, apparently, a blogger. For the next three months I'm also working part-time at the Nevada Appeal, redesigning my train wreck of a website, kicking my marketing strategy into top gear, dancing in the Incline Schools annual fundraiser, Star Follies, and with any luck, I'll find some time to breathe.

Of course, it helps that the air I breathe is that fresh, cool mountain air of the Sierra Nevada. Which is why I was reluctant to take on yet another digital leash that will probably keep me tied to my computer. Nonetheless, I think it's time to embark on this madcap journey of blogging that will show clients and colleagues alike that my work is growing, changing, and so am I. If I can even inspire one person to be better, do better or take better pictures this whole thing will be worth it.

I can't promise that I'll update every day or even every week - my life has me constantly on the run, stoking those fires. And I love it, for sure. But I'll try my best to post about new experiences, ideas and of course, photographs.

And away we go...